Random Musings

On Ghouling

So it's not like there's really a crisis here, but this is a long-term commit here. Seriously, we're talking about people, not pokemon cards. This might be odd, but I think what's happening is that I'm becoming potentiually protective - possibly even a little thoughtful. I mean really, what am I letting loose on the world? I've already got one ghoul who's been a 30-year companion, a childe who's only a little younger. The Addams Family dynamic might be upset if I bring someone else into the fold - and let's not kid ourselves, she'll be part of the fold - if not immediately, then (relatively) shortly. Perhaps it's a few centuries of biting off more than I could chew, but it seems in this life I'm more...cautious. Maybe it's because I've seen enough failed experiments. Maybe it's because I'm not sure how this fits into the master plan.

Really, that's the main thing here - I'm a painter who has no idea what's going to happen at the end of it - could be the Sistine Chapel, could be a Jackson Pollock, might even be a Andy Warhol. Now I'm starting to get an inkling of what the elders are like and why they're so damn paranoid - every splash they make resonates, and every connection they create is a potential weak point. Of course the flip side of that is if you wait too long, the moment of right action is lost. The cure for that is to think faster.

Back to the point, I believe ghouling Rebecca may be the right action here, if she's willing. I may revisit this section if I'm wrong.

On Independence

So with a few hours to navelgaze, I'm considering why I chose to be an Assamite. Given that so much of what has happened appears to have been thought out, I don't think we'd leave clan as a function of chance. So for now let's assume after an insane cram-session with a sports almanac, the choice was given. And it all comes to one thing. Independence. Not freedom, because let's not kid ourselves - freedom is the illusion presented to us by the masters of the Jyhad, moving their pieces (us) to do exactly what they want us to do. Is it really a choice if our morality only allows us to do one thing in a given situation? I think not.

And so, independence is the word I choose to describe the reason for the choice. As a clan, we have traditionally stood apart from the sects. Even with the Sabbat, the assamites stood apart. This independence was necessary in the early days for some reason as I recall. Whether self-aggrandizing history, or pragmatic choice that became tradition, we stand with our backs only to our brothers. Lacking that to a degree, I am aligning with vampires of similar lineage, allowing us to collectively do a few things necessary to keep progress from starting over at 1100 CE. Part of me really want to bring Jeremy into the fold, Duarte less so - but maybe later. Perhaps this is why we're all being brought back; there's history that transcends.

It's also why I seek to create the Harbor. As someone who has seen the chains one imposes upon oneself in the name of a greater ideal, it's not something I would wish upon another. So with the recent split of the clan from within, it falls to someone to bring the clan to a new place. I haven't heard of anyone doing something like this, so someone has to take the first step. Aligning with the Camarilla places their shackles and their beliefs upon us. That restricts us from our goals. We're independent for a reason. We should be independent, if only to remind the comfortable black and white sects that there is gray in their worlds, and that gray should give them pause as they make their next moves. For Al-Ashrad to seek the cover of the Camarilla is disheartening. It speaks to a position of weakness, and others will exploit that weakness, and fetch the thumbscrews.

To this, I say never. It's one reason why I despise New Orleans' ilk. Every move, every play, everything I did was subject to the whims of another. Perhaps it rankled me because I knew the choices were someone elses'. Better to be independent and not feel the strings than to feel the bit in your mouth guiding you like a show pony. Certainly there are those among the Sabbat who would read this and feel a certain joy. Hah. They see the words and feel their fire, but they've grown so comfortable with their own manacles that they don't know they're even there. They parrot and shout and move, but they are just as crystalline-structured and bound as the Camarilla. Where the Camarilla trades loyalty through favors, the Sabbat trades loyalty through blood. Is the Viniculum a truly superior thing? Pah. The only loyalty worth the name is the loyalty born of shared experience. That is why when the time comes to act we need to be as far from the black and white as we can be. The darkness comes from the gray, and so there must the light be.

What's possibly the most amusing part of it all is that both sides think they're free - to be fully honest as I stare at the mirror and look at my ever-darkening face, none of us are truly free. The more enlightened think they've got the best choice of masters, realizing that they aren't truly free. Does all this make me better than my fellows? I don't think so. It means I can either be amused or weep bloody rivers at the willful ignorance of the sects themselves. These are are tied to an ideal. The Camarilla tries to play at being the Benevolent Order of Water Buffalo, doing good things and playing at the shadows to set the stage for humanity to keep being humanity, and hiding therein and whiling away eternity at some power game that locks them in as surely as a fly in amber. The Sabbat tries to play at being Hells' Angels, swearing oaths in blood and shrieking the lie of their freedom every hour on the hour to try and convince themselves. Wow. That just got cynical in a hurry. Of course, I've only been on one side of the street, officially. However, New Orleans convinced me rather thoroughly that the other side of the street suck too. So my only option is to play in traffic.

Ur-shulgi is the maul that splits this clan. Who's the hammer?

On Allies

Short version: We need them.

Long version: We need specific types of allies; the ones who will first off buy into the premise of what's happening and are willing to plan to prevent that endeavor. We're classifying them, and hopefully everyone'll play ball. First tier allies know everything. They're the ones we can trust, insofar as trust exists among vampires. Second Tier Allies know the Giovanni are up to something. They're probably going to be like...I hate to say it but pawns. Specific skillsets, and a burning desire to bitchslap Italy. Third tier allies are not going to know anything except their job. Disposable, replaceable, plug and play. This is the thing that keeps me up mornings. I'm going to be sending people to danger, potentially death. Is there in fact a greater good being served with this. Obviously yes.

This is something where the First Tier may be of greatest use - we (or at least me) will need some form of moral reassurance that this end goal is worth the end game.