I'm a what now?

Cercyon

The Gods Must Be Crazy

So to catch up with Wifilisburg‎, several days ago and about 11 centuries in the future, there was a bit of a ruckus, and after a lot of back and forthing to multiple nexus-points in time, we determined that the best way to seal this temporal rift was to seal it at the beginning, which was 9 AD. We managed that after a few attempts and stuck in the year 9. Things were good, world keeps spinning, and we'll eventually get back to the thing.

Ah, oops?

The next morning, I was a happy whistling kind of guy and enjoying the morning sunrise. And then I realized I was enjoying the morning sunrise. That was bad, because, well, vampires have exceptional allergies to the sun. But I didn't. I was watching the sun rise and liking it. In a toga. Which was odd, because I hadn't worn one of those for awhile. It was a theme party, okay?

But initial shocks and confusion done with, I followed my nose (literally) to the main camp Where I found myself at the forge. This is not my thing. Except that it is. I was watching the smith at work and immediately clicking in on what he was doing and what he wasn't. We spoke about it and I started having flashbacks to doing support work with intelligent consultants; discussing things in what was almost our own language. I think he was exhausted or he was being asked to do the impossible, so he invited me to give it a go. And then I amazed everyone by just grabbing the blazing hot ingot and going to work.

The iron was crap, the tools were iffy, and I'm not sure how I knew that, but at the same time, the chieftain wanted a sword that was built for slashing. I knew I could rework it with enough heat to get something that would hold up. Hours later, I had a crowd and a sword that was definitely going to be to the chieftains' liking - as well as a semi-melted anvil. Might need to dial down the thermostat next time. I toweled off sort of, but that wasn't much to worry about - the thing that was that I had in fact crafted a masterpiece. Not bad for my first time. We took it to the chieftain who roared his approval and everyone was in their happy place. The drinks flowed, the food was good, and even though I was a Roman, skill seemed to override birthplace. I was compared favorably to the dwarves of old, and the sword was given a proper name.

Somewhere along the the line, when I was still marginally sober, the chieftain called me to him and had his four daughters lined up. Apparently I was picking up a wife somewhere. Good smiths may be hard to find, and I was getting picked up before someone else could find out what we got. Not gonna lie, it was a great time. I selected the second daughter of the four because well...being the middle child is heck.

and the next morning, bright and early and things had to get fixed. Me and the other smith and the apprentices got working on rebuilding the forge; a little rebuild on the smelter to make it more efficient, and then we cast the ores to ingots so that we knew what we had on hand and not just guessing. After all that, tools were needed. I killed the anvil and dented that hammer to hell, so I remade them in, well, it's not iron, but it's a fairly crude steel. But it'll do. And it was apparently miraculous, because the smith laid his hands on it and scorched the shit out of his hands - however he was taking them as holy marks.

Sweet baby Jesus. Or...something. It felt good. As I'm going through this, it feels like I'm a god. A young god, but a god nonetheless. And honestly, is this...art, or craft, or...what the heck. I should be cautious with this. But first, I have food, and a wife to take care of.

Next morning was time to go to work. I had myself a nice time and started doling out assignments and also working the crowd a bit, teaching them what was to me common sense. The crowd parted and I found Bolverk - or Thorimir now. Being a forge god seemed to suit the times, and while he wasn't totally thrown, it wasn't precisely my thing. Except that it is now. After a little thought, he threw out the idea that we should go get some meteroic iron from a place a couple days ride from here. Guarded by a Lindworm, which did nothing for me. But, we could get some damn good iron, and I could make him a warhammer. Oh yeah. That sounded like actual fun, so I made sure everything was going good and knocked off earlyish so I could tell Missus Cercyon and my father-in-law that I was going on a road trip. I was promptly given two bodyguards, because he did not want his smith getting killed. Meanwhile, all the other women were clustered around my wife and having girl talk. From her expressions and the way the other women were sneaking glances back at me, I had done something good. Quite possibly more than once.

Dawn rose, and with it, I felt alive-er. The first fires of the dawn, or something. While we were riding, I started talking with Thorimir about this warhammer. Big is the general word, but at the same time it's going to make a statement. It's going to be a full days' work, and probably a good fourth of the time is going to be spent on the tweaking of it. That said, when a god makes a weapon for another god, that shit will be done to specifications.

We encountered bandits of a sort the first night out, no really big thing except for the part where I was throwing javelins of fire at a few people with astounding effect. That's...impressive. Note to self, see if I can do a weapon. That said, one of my guardsmen took an arrow to the kidney, which was not good. On the up side, Lady Mortis (Just Mors now,) fixed him up nicely - however in exchange I had to make her a bow. That I can do.

The morning was interesting, to say the least. We found the crater, reminded each other about the Lindworms' abilities, don't look it in the eye, and made our way cautiously down the crater. Oh. Oh happy day. We loaded up the horses because I'll walk if it mean I can have a few more pounds of this ore. Dense, workable, this is a dream ore for this era. And we hadn't woken the Lindworm. Everything's coming up Millhouse.

Until it opened its' eye and froze me. Gods dammit (Me dammit?) And then bad things happened. I got bit and ragdolled, but fortunately the only thing that got wrecked was my clothes. Someday I'm going to come back from something wearing what I brought with me, but it is not this day. The thing was flipping huge, and fire wasn't helping for shit. I was however able to blind one eye with a nice arrow shot along with Mors, Thorimir was on its' head trying to either stab its' head or tame it for a suitable mount. In any case, it reeked with its' breath and one of the men charged it and actually eviscerated it as it ran over the guys' sword.

He's getting a raise.

And with that, we did some butchers' work, getting the hide and some bones and other things that were going to be needed for this bow and warhammer combo. And I am definitely making a hammer for myself out of this. But the clocks' ticking and we need to send a party back with a wagon for the rest of this.

So the todo list is now a bigass warhammer for Thorimir, a bow for Lady Mors, jewelry for the wife, a hammer for me, and then I'll take a nap. After that, there'll be a battle to win.

Plans are what you make

...life happened. Once we got back, I spent a little time supervising the ore offload, and then went to spend some time with the wife. Surprise one, she's like...6 months pregnant. This was surprising because I don't remember her being pregnant 3 days ago, much less that far along. However, she was rather enthused about my return, and well...she wasn't getting any more pregnant, so there was a little honeymoon activity, after which we went to take a bath in the river. Which was awkward-ish, because there were other women both up and down river doing their washup and I was being eyed. I think I tick the boxes for foreign and handsome, and there could possibly be jealousy? Or it could also be that my bride of 3 days is way way pregnant. I'm going with the latter. The things that I think of while giving the pregnant wife a backrub.

So we were relaxing, and then some old geezer tried to geeze his way across the river. Okay, I'll be honest I shouldn't call him old, given I'm, well, I'd have to sit down and do the math. Centuries. We're going with centuries. Guy fell in the river and was in the shit, so I dove in. Who wouldn't? Okay I shouldn't think about that - I'm running into the weeds and there's a guy drowning over thataway. I jumped in and swam, grabbed the old guy and went with the current and got back to the shore.

Apparently that was surprising. Unfortunately the poor guy lost his sandal, so I gave him mine for the walk to the main camp. I'm not sure if he made it okay as the first convenient shrub was declared an impromptu make-out location by the wife. That was...exhilarating. And surprising. And overall kinda neat. But eventually I made my way to the forge to supervise more and get to work with the projects. And that was interrupted; apparently someone had some prophecy to spit at me, Mors, and Thorimir. Mors was busy. Stunningly busy. Seriously, there is something about this place that is permanent spring - if you listen really closely you can hear Barry White.

Sadly, Mors was not coming out so I shouted encouragement to her partner-priest-whatever the heck he is. The worst part about was when she came out with the "I will remember this" look. Yep. I'mma pay for that later. Prophecy delivered, in short - Morpheus is in trouble and got sold; the guy who sold him took his forces and bailed right the hell out. Personally I thought Thorimir had right of first refusal on that sort of thing. But...that's where the fun began. We found out who and went a-walking with our fighting stuff; it's kind of a tradition at this point. The annoying thing was that the clock was ticking and I had several things to make before the fight.

Running through everything was rough, since I only had a few shots in the barrel. But dang, what a shot. Fireballs, minotaurs, and...I'm finding myself to be good with this - something to noodle through later. The harshest part was when I found myself totally lost, having made a defensive fire-circle while Thorimir and Mors took a nap. I'm not normally on good terms with the gods, but I was praying to Hephaestus. And holy shit he answered. But there was a fast conversation because we had; I think it's a thing - smiths kinda keep it simple and honest. Also, can I still be weirded out that I think of myself as a smith? Of all the things in my existence, this could be the new one.

Anyway, Big H gave me a little help for finding Morpheus, but we had to go to Olympus later. Like...well, this year. Anyway, it made tracking easier, we found him. He was not pleased about having to go to Olympus. Seriously. Anyway, at that point his captor shut down his realm and we are in fact up a creek. Did I mention the minotaurs? Cause they're here. And grumpy.

And that was where the fun really began.

Fortis Fortuna Adiuvat

I'm still getting used to some of these things I can do. And the fact that I'm still kinda getting used to it can make things awkward. I am way more martial than I was, as demonstrated by kicking ass on two or three...things in short order. Having a flaming sword doesn't hurt. The problem was when I got schnookered by a lullaby, and fell over. An interesting memory-dream later, I felt off. Like...making Titan killing weapons could be a thing I do now, or later, but at the same time if it's prophetic, I have some time to make some things. and possibly keep other demigods alive and extant. Meanwhile, me and Crom had a discussion, and we talked numbers. I help him, he helps me, and a little sip of blood sealed the deal. This...could be bad. But life entails risk. And I might be able to spin it properly to a good thing if anyone asks; I'm not volunteering the information.

Anyway, after that I got dirty. Making weapons - technically I made 2 bows for mors but the first one was so shit I redid it - Thorimirs' hammer came out nice on the first go, and the wifes' torc gave her a thrill. Finally, my own sword. I mean I do have one, but I have two hands. Der. So finally, we got ourselves geared up, and there was fighting. Me and Thorimir kinda waded in and did damage - at least until Ares showed up.

Not gonna lie, Ares is kind of a badass. We were holding our own until he turned into 7 of them. At which point I had to drop everything into setting Ares on fire, which...it worked well enough for him to notice me. And when we woke up, we had to traipse through not-quite-the-underworld to get out. We owe Hades a solid. And then we came back, knocking dirt from our ears and then trying to sort out Morpheus' new friend. Short version, Japanese, kinda cute, and kinda freaked. I haven't really talked to her, but this oughta an interesting story.

Battles and Valkyries

The battle of Teutoburg Forest is legendary, but...the legends don't tell everything. There were several days of fighting. The historians get that right. What they miss is the German losses - purportedly, it was a perfect battle on the scale of Cannae. The stuff that gets missed is the part where the mages on both sides were working overtime to get things right, as well as the gods.

I'll hit the high points - massive armies of resurrected dead, a significant asskicking, and I met a Valkyrie. She didn't know I was on her side, so she speared and I parried, and then I pulled out old fighting techniques that haven't been invented yet to boot her in the head. Then the fight was called on account of a dead dragon breathing cold-fire at everything. I tackled the valkyrie and took the hit, which was not a problem since I discovered I was immune to the cold. For my trouble, she kneed me square in the meat-and-two-veg. I don't care who you are, that shit hurts. She did have the decency to apologize, and then we found a place for the night. In the morning, we went and surveyed the locations, and it got tricky quickly.

Apparently Morpheus' new girlfriend has a condition, kinda like a Nagaraja. But Morpheus took her to feed on the dead, and he brought some back. Which sorta shrank the battlefield, and then I went to work with Thorimir on making the dead extra dead with a side of fries.I set myself on fire a-la Johnny Blaze and well...my toga wasn't fireproofed. After that mess I got a loan of a cloak from the Valkyrie, which was nice. I like her and I don't at the same time. However, I'm bound to fight for the Germanic tribes, and there was more fighting to be done. It was long and hard slog which left me exhausted and burned out, however it was a good fight. The worst part was the gods couldn't stop fighting long enough to sort the undead. So...it was kind of a three-way fight for awhile.

At the end of it there was the mix of joy and sorrow. So many dead from both sides, and catching up with the smiths took time. I did have a nice long talk with everyone, and I discovered I had a son. I think I'll name him Atreus - it doesn't quite follow God of War, but it's close enough. Son of a Greek god and a Norse Giant? Well...maybe. I really don't know my wife all that well, so she could be a giant for all I know. And the child has divinity within him, so my next step is head to Olympus and find out what he may be the god of.

The Plan Went Smooth!

So the next week was a little hectic. Atreus didn't seem to be growing at a rapid pace once he decided to be born, but this was...really new. I mean, my life has run me through a few things and although I'm about 400-ish (I'll have to sit down and do the math, but that feels about right) in the Never Have I Ever game, changing my sons' diaper was among the things I had never. I'm seeing why I waited 4 centuries to experience it. Goda (the wife) however was thrilled with me. I'd survived the battle, wasn't really damaged, and was pitching in to help raise Atreus.

Domestically, life was good. I had to wrap up a few projects and then get a cart built so that we could travel to Olympus in at least a modicum of comfort. Repairing and teaching the smiths in the area also soaked up a bit of time, and the camp is in the party stage. And the party's not stopping at this point, because the injured are getting back on their feet and thinking it's Miller Time. I mean, they're not wrong. But life goes on, and I'm getting commissions almost as fast as I can work them.

Two of them were interesting - Morpheus' girlfriend wanted a katana/wakizashi pair-up. On the negative column of that, it'd be 5 days' work, solid. Even with some time management, it'd be a sink. The second negative here is it's about a thousand years before katanas exist, so...there'd be a few things before we got rolling. After some discussion, apparently the price was high, and we're going with a shortsword instead. Proto-katanas are acceptable. I got Morpheus and Miko to agree, we found out a little more about what and where. It was a rescue the princess gig, and where we were going was Mainz. Okay it wasn't Mainz, it was Mogontiacum‎, but still - same annoyances were present a thousand years before. Welll, shit.

After that, I had a few other things to do - I checked up on the old man I saved from the river, and he seemed to be doing well. While we were talking a runner came up with a message from Thorimir. Specifically, business to take care of and help was requested. I said hell yes, and promptly started making arrangements for travel. The old man, Cleon the Elder had a really nice ride - all it needed was a hot tub and a disco ball and we'd be in business. So I went to where thorimir was, making a few bets along the way and got some other things taken care of, found out arrangements had been made already, and had to go back to Cleon to tell him we'd decline for now, but we were going to definitely take a look at heading to Rome in yon carriage once we got back from Thorimirs' trip.

Goda did not take it well. She was a little unglued about possible heritage, me dying, what have you. Seriously - it's like we just met and she hasn't figured out that I am pretty tough to kill. And even if I do get killed (See also: Ares) I'm coming back. Where the heck was Mors when I needed a translator. Oi. I muddled through it, and went over to the chiefs' tent. He was not thrilled about this either. Apparently Thorimirs' reputation is that he's a leeeetle risky to be around. I mean I can't argue it, but if he's asking for help, it's because help is needed. It was a long conversation, and we had a few horns of mead. I think my father-in-laws' plan is basically to use me as a lever to be first among equals among the chieftains - it's not a bad plan, but at the same time, I got things to do. The mead hit harder than it should have. It was spiked, which I realized about 30 seconds after I'd downed it. I needed some air.

I left the tent to clear my head, and I had Goda coming after me with some seriousness. And she cracked me with the cast iron skillet I'd made - the world exploded like galaxy brain and really, we need to have a talk when I'm back about the house rules. But not right now.

I woke up in Mogontiacum‎ with the Platonic ideal of a hangover doing laps in my brainpan. And a knot the size of a goose egg on my forehead. On the up side, I had a nice robe, a clean place to be, and apparently Hermes was helping out. I went downstairs and got a nice drink of ambrosia, which helped my head tremendously. From there, we all sat around and settled our planning. The plan was sneak, get in, get out, head down to the Winchester, have a nice cold pint, and wait for all this to blow over.

That's slice of fried gold.

So after all that we went to where an inn would be in a millenium, and found out it was now a bath house. No problem. We got in and found out where the secret door was, and from there we collectively made some steam. Okay I leaned against the cherub and heated it to the point where it was just kicking out steam. As soon as that was done, we pulled the lever and got in. Moguns' place is still freaking creepy after all this time, but at the same time it was a good thing, since we knew what to expect. We went across Oh Shit Bridge to find cells. Said cells were occupied prisoners or sacrifices, back and forthed for a minute before popping the exit door, which went...well, up. The princess was not going to be found that way.

So we freed the prisoners, gave them a torch and pointed them to the exit, which they were all to happy to do. Except for the one lady who'd had a total psychotic break and couldn't do anything but scream. Eeeesh. I touched the stone and pretty much had a architectural map downloaded to my smartphone in a minute, which gave us a pretty good idea of where the princess was.

But the princess reformed on Oh Shit bridge and she was not wanting to leave. We got her out with a little help from Dr Morpheus' Sleeping Potion. Handy stuff. We took the exit that we had so thoughtfully opened and got the hell out of there.

Surprised? Me too. Shit went as smoothly as it could have without the princess running out of the bathhouse asking us to save her.

Back at hermes' place, we checked on the Princess, found out it would probably be best to keep her knocked the hell out until we could get back, and went to the Apothecary to talk about getting some medicinal poppy oil to keep her asleep. An extra crown went to making sure the apothecary totally forgot who bought it and we hauled ass, making it back just in tome for the sunset. There was a bit of irony in vampires fleeing the coming dusk, but it's a thing that I've come to expect, a little. Finally we made arrangements for a ride back. All in about 2 days.

Once back at the camp, I went back to the tent where apparently Goda was mourning my death a little early or something. Even though Thorimir kidnapped, it was totally my fault for being kidnapped after being knocked unconscious by my own frying pan. Oi. I expected the smooch, I expected the kiss, I did not expect the knee to the groin. Seriously, do the Northern tribes have classes in Knee-to-the-Manbag? The rest of the women filed out giving me the evilest of evil looks, and we eventually made up. It was epic, thank you.

And afterglow was interrupted by Hermes tapping on the tent - we were heading to Rome. I explained it while packing, but Goda was still very nervous about traveling on a bridge made of clouds. I did keep everyone close, and we stepped out in...well, I think it's Rome. Pretty sure it's Rome.

Roma Antiqua

Yep, we are definitely in Rome. So with that in mind, Goda's a bit overwhelmed. Which, I mean...maybe I have perspective, but 2 million people in one place is about 5% of the entirety of Europes' population. All crammed into a few square miles. At least the plumbing's good.

I looked around for familiar landmarks before having an epiphany, in that the things I was looking for hadn't been built yet. So that wasn't going to help me get around much. The press was getting to Goda quite a bit so I carried her on my shoulders as we went to Hermes' palace. He's got a few things I would like to know about. Plus he has some nice instruments. Like I was playing a zither-ish thing for Goda and Atreus, and doing a pretty decent job before we arrived in Rome, and then Hermes came in and utterly blew me out of the water. Even I was a little weepy at his song of a Greek tragedy.

But back to Rome. First things first, we went to the Temple of Vulcan (because Romans can't say Haephestus) and we went in. Well, everyone except Hermes and Miko. We walked around, and Goda decided to just take five. So I took Atreus with me, past the inner sanctum and in, passing the masters as they were getting ready to unveil a bronze statue of Emperor Octavian. There's some clever shit going on here. Good news, Atreus appears to be okay with the heat, and honestly the only reason I noticed is because everyone else sorta decided to take 5.

The best part of this whole thing was the mechanical guardians. It was interesting, it was like they knew who to let in and who not to. Me and Atreus got let in. Haephestus was, well he was honestly neutral. However, there are some gods who are reallllly not happy with me. Chief among them being Ares, probably Athena as well. That's not good for my longterm health. Hopefully I can bargain my way out of this. Hopefully. In regard to Atreus, his fate is not yet known, but he's definitely divine-ish. So, he's going to learn from papa. This is going to be fun.

Back at the statue, it was damned nice. But not perfect - I felt an air bubble that would cause the statue to break in a few centuries if left unchecked. My suspicions were confirmed by several of the younger masters which sparked a two-part debate, as far as who did it it turned out to be someone who hadn't sealed the bottom. Bronze got out, air got in, and we got a fucked statue. Morpheus had an idea, essentially repair the statue by drilling a hole to the bubble and filling it that way. Certainly an elegant solution, efficient and faster, but at the same time not acceptable - we had the time to do it right, so we were gonna do it right. Apprentices were roused, crews set, and the one responsible was promptly cast out. Dulius was very lost for about 10 minutes, before I picked him up and gave him the second chance. I explained the rules, and they're simple. He was overjoyed, and I was...well, energized, frankly. I was gonna need because I was supervising an allnighter.

Suffice to say it was a long night and I needed coffee. But Old Man Cleon came calling, with a loan of a house. I accepted, set Dulius to finding us permanentish lodgings (at least until fate takes us somewhere else) and made sure everyone got a nap in. Hermes and I had a quick talk ,I asked if he knew anything about us having trouble coming our way. He reconfirmed that there were peeved Olympians and that I should follow my instincts, trust no-one, and also beware of the Wolf and the Dove.

Duly noted. On the up side, my head smith and second smith seemed to be going through this fairly well, so I called for some papyrus and started designing some collapsible shields. Our most likely candidate is parasol design that when collapsed looks kinda like a club. I'll work on it while I'm making Mikos' sword.

Since we're only really here for a week, it's time to do a little tourism. We went to one of the circuses (Not the one on the Campus Martis, thank you very much) and we had, well, basically family time. I spoke, talked and started getting a hustle on here and there before I went by myself to check out the unveiling of the statue of Octavian. Not gonna lie, there ceremony was really nice. Octavian's procession was badass - and I mean why not, he is kind of the emperor. Rose petals raining down (because they haven't invented confetti) and Octavian was regal. He made a nice speech, and then walking toward the statue the released several baskets of doves.

Oh. Fuck.

I looked around for something bad happening, and it didn't happen to me, but to someone else. A woman was being kidnapped, with her husband was rapidly dying. No good on all accounts. Not much I could do for the husband, but the wife I could save. Maybe. Hopped up onto the crowd and started dancing on shoulders, much to the dismay of the owners of the shoulders, but I got to the four who were doing the kidnapping. swords out and there was stabbing. It wasn't like I was trying to kill all of them, and I didn't - three bolted while the fourth choked out some dying words. Well...Mors got one. I think. Where the heck was she when we needed her, other than playing footsie with hades.

At the same time, I nicked the three others pretty good, and the lady was mostly unharmed. Turned out she was a cousin of Octavian, and would probably be empress if enough people died. But at the same time, not a thing. We talked, I claimed to be from Britannia since there's no such thing as Colorado but I still have the accent. After we talked to the cops (Centurions?) about it, we found where my chariot was parked and made our way to a cafe while we waited for rush hour to clear. Since the emperor was throwing a damn good feast afterward because damn that statue was good. I may be taking more credit than I should for it, but then again, yeah. May need to back that down a bit.

After the cafe, I escorted her back to her place, and we talked about what was happening, the day, and then tried to steer things to a neutralish bit. We went to the cellar where she gave me a large number of amethysts her late husband had slated for something. And that was when something weird happened. I really looked at her for the first time and her eyes reached deep into my soul. Then they made a merry dance through my stomach and down to my nethers for a nice warm toasty feeling. There's something...she hit me metaphysically, and I'm not sure if she knows the effect she has.

And this is weird, it was, I was comparing her to Goda and Goda kept coming up short. I don't understand this. I mean I have these feelings, I've only been married to Goda for a little bit but still, there's ties there already and I'm seriously considering cutting her loose. I don't understand this. I mean, part of me is ringing the alarm bells of Helena and Astarte, but the other part of me thinks it'll be different this time. I'm really having trouble with this, and I need to get my head straight.

When Hermes told me to trust no-one, I wonder if that included me.

Funerals and Trouble

Going home was the roughest part. I had to explain to Goda everything, and I kinda sidetracked to, wellll...I took her to bed. It was irritating because here I was making the beast with two backs with Goda and the whole time I was thinking about the widow. It's not even right - definitely there have been times when I would take anything on offer and said thank you. This doesn't sit right. I'm being emotionally toyed with, I know it, but I can't do a damn thing about it because it's such a primal level thing all I can really do is ride the wave and hope it doesn't turn out as yet another infamous Greek tragedy. 50 dinars says whoever's yanking my chain turns it to ash the moment I break it off with Goda.

The morning did not bring clarity. I heard prayers and answered them - seriously, that's interesting. I think the reason why the gods are so cryptic is because there's a lot of people clamoring for attention, and I hear them all, so legit there's not enough hours in the day to answer everyone. After, I went to the villa and spoke to the guards out front. While the guards were sympathetic, they did advise that I was invited to the funeral and after the traditional 30 days of mourning were completed, she would be more than pleased to see me. So that was a thing.

I trucked it back to the house, told my new priest to take a nap on account of priorities, and we were off and shopping for funeral clothes. Which went well, as such things go. Properly attired, we hired a wet-nurse for Atreus and went to mourn a companion. Goda was concerned, however once I explained all the details she was...well, jealous. Honestly I don't blame her. Hell, I'm jealous of her husband, and he's dead. Lock the feelings in a box old son.

The funeral was, well, a funeral. Pallbearers, professional mourners - they definitely had some coin, because the mourners were all about it. Muddy hair, wailing, and kicking up a storm. The funeral pyre was lit, and we watched as the flames consumed him and forged an image of his ascension to Olympus to be with the gods themselves. I might have had a little to do with that. But all in all, it gave some measure of peace to the widow, and some manner of concern to the assembled - possibly he was more favored by the gods than originally believed.

He was, but.

Afterward, I was invited to go to the bar with some of his friends so that we could pour one out for him and have a few ourselves. Kid's with the babysitter, we got this. And we went to the temple of Dionysus - damn fine place to ease troubles. The plan was for me to have a quick sip, pour a libation to an unmet friend, and from there we'd be on our way and maybe I could get some distance and get my head right.

And then Dionysus himself showed up. Goda was having a very nice time, I was well into drink number "I lost count", and Dionysus arrived with two panthers and a party time look. From there it was a blur of philosophy, remembrance, and enjoying the sights - and damned if there wasn't a lot to see. Given how the night went, I may have to broach the discussion of polygamy/polyandry with Goda and the conversation may be easier then originally anticipated. One hopes.

However, after the party came the literal hangover of the gods. I woke up with a goat for a pillow amongst many others who were in a similar condition. The morning was chilly, and whatever I was wearing last night had long since gone as a sacrifice to Dionysus. From the looks, I was certainly not the first to exit the temple in such a state. Then things got weird.

I took a few steps and found myself in a dungeon. Exploring, I found a winged morpheus spiked to the wall and not having a good time, Mors and we really couldn't catch up on account of shit getting real - to wit, three things with hot irons about to give Mors and Morpheus a greeting.

No, I did not ask how big the room was before I cast Fireball. Some traditions must be upheld. On the up side, we got out of that room in this bizarre dream realm and stepped onto the set of Aliens. Literally. I was well cheered to have the Colonial Marine issue gear, but I was less cheered about what my sensors were reading. 30 meters, 20 meters...and the world got loud. Quickly. Three three round bursts, and I was happier than I'd been in a longass time. Behind me I heard the sound of Morpheus burning through his entire clip in panic mode.

Big H please forgive me if I whack the amateur upside the head when we get out of this. Especially since he got dragged away, I pulled a nice headshot to save him - and then Mors who was hiding and doing awesome things dealt with the fifth one that was about to rudely deal with my noggin by shooting the secondary attack mouth off. I felt better, but we finally made it through the station and to the exit...of Tartarus.

Fuck me gently.

Lunch with who?

Once we got out of Tartarus, with the happy smell of cordite still in my nose, I was almost run over by a chariot. Add that to the list of things I never thought I'd write. Of course, I was still only marginally conscious after the Dionysus-fest, but that's kinda my fault. At any rate, I woke up in a nice little place outside of Rome which I learned was home to a fella who traded in slaves, Porcinus by name. Somewhat ironically, Porcinus was rail-thin, and as we talked about the bad events that led to our fate, I stayed for lunch. His daughter was as handsy as decorum allowed, but I was able to keep her mostly at bay. We talked some more and honestly I felt like I had to reward him in some way so I tried to give him a few gold. I wound up purchasing a wet-nurse from him because, well, kinda needed one. Also accepted a party invitation, as a handsome well-spoken smith wouldn't go amiss. And then to home, where Atreus was happy to see me, the wet-nurse we'd hired for the night was done in and not taking any more jobs for a couple days at least, and I gave the nurse her first job on account of I needed to go find Goda.

First stop, the temple of Dionysus - I did not want to go in there on account of I was still half in the bag from last night. For those who've never experienced it, you do not turn down wine from the god of party time - but you may want to make sure your schedule's clear for at least the next day or two. After a time, Goda's description was matched, but she left with a Germanic gladiator. On the up side, I'm pretty sure one of us got laid. On the down side, I wasn't sure where Goda was, and that was a bad thing.

It took some looking, but I did eventually find her at a gladiatorial school. It was kind of amusing, because a couple people were trying to flip me shit about Goda, which I pretty much shrugged off, and one of the younger ones was trying to make a name for himself or something. It was fun, and then I tousled his hair a little and asked who the cutey wooty widdle boy was, he took umbrage at that and then the debate started. Not gonna lie, it was refreshing to just be in a nice little barfight - problem was I was still a weee bit under the weather but sobering a touch. Finally it got broken up and Goda was brought out. She was piiiisssed because, well, not gonna lie she had a reason to be pissed at me, but at the same time the fervor for the widow was cooling off. Note to self - get righteously trashed next time before it gets weird. Still, I was able to carry Goda off with apologies and whatnot, and we went home, where an epic row ensued. Dishes were thrown (but not pots or pans - she wasn't that mad,) words were exchanged, and Goda hinted that the wet nurse was there for me to take in a manly fashion. From there it got physical, and proceeded apace to the marital chamber, where it got more physical. Ahem.

So that ended well.

And then I got a message in a dream from Morpheus, to wit his girlfriend was missing and aid was requested. Apparently he'd discovered that she'd been bought and sold and was on a boat headed for the ass end of the Republic - to wit, Constantinople. Or what'll be Constantinople, right now it's in the 5 huts, 12 goats, and a lot of bad BO stage. Which, given what's happening in a few days (Halloween) was flipping weird. Time to go confirm it, I went back to the Gladiator school and asked if they had heard of an arena pumping the tires for a special event. Having seem Kimiko fight a little, she'd be touted as a main event. They confirmed it, and I fixed several swords in return. Okay I cheated, but at the same time I also hinted that the Temple of Cercyon would be a fine place for a smith to go.

Back to the arena, where they swore that Kimiko wasn't there. Huh. Morpheus put the guards to sleep, and I went over and in to open the door. Not too tough, but then we eventually found her and it looks like this is the start of something bad, as I saw some Lasombra-ish shit afoot. On the up side, it was afternoonish so it wasn't too terrible. we bailed and got Kimiko a body and I left the two of them and her breakfast at his temple. Hoookay. On the up side, I got my temple cranking up. Materials have been procured, the priests are watching over it, and it's being designed with expansion in mind. We'll have some room, including a sleeping area (note to self 2: special sleeping area for the devoted wives who are stuck while their beloved is knee deep in inspiration. Call it Godas' Room.) Thin quartz dome for the roofing, which will double as a sundial. From there, smelters and the forges themselves. We want function, and the functions are craft and inspiration. Good workers, good wages, and we'll kick it up. I have a sense of deja vu here.

But at the same time, things still needed to get done. To wit, lunch with Mors. And Mors brought a guest. Julius Motherfuckin Caesar. No warning, no FYI. I was able to contain the squeeing, but I may have fanboy'ed a little. So that happened and i was giving him advice on how to be a god. Name change, figure out what he's the god of, and the other sundry things. From there it was prep for Porkys party. I traded amethysts for emeralds and silver to make a hairnet for Goda. We brought the tailors to us - seriously i got shit to do and projects to finish.

The party was very interesting-among the luminaries was flippin Germanicus. Which was several shades of awesome on account of, well, Germanicus. At the same time I'm uneasy, because he's going to shred Godas tribe in a few years. However tonight he was full of piss and vinegar about the loss of the Legions. Not my fault. All that said, he's a great guy, Goda was a little uneasy at first. Then the party kicked off hardcore with me and Morpheus having a fine old time.

Then the world changed. Me and Morpheus noted odd temporal effects with things, but neither of us put it together until after the fact. The fact being Germanicus was killed and the time flow has been massively fucked. There's a lot happening. It was odd, and in thinking it over along with postmortem actions - i think someone dosed Germanicus with arsenic, and then sped up his body to create the illusion of the poison being administered over time. Mors was duly summoned, and from there the second thing happened. The Die Inferi are involved, as Germanicus was also stabbed. The knife annihilated his soul.no animation, no questioning, nothing. This is massively fucked.

We got questioned, were released, and subsequently we had to go over everything with Julius the next day. On the whole, we need more information. And we need to replace Germanicus. It's quite possible that we may just need to find a Toreador to object read the knife or murder scene to determine who did this. And also we may need to head to Olympus with Hermes to give the information to the important Gods so we can go about working on our individual bits.

Fixing History Isn't Done In A Day

Now here's the thing about a Roman temple. It has a specific structure, a specific design. Rectangular, columnized, and conforming to a few things architecturally. The benefit of being a young god is you can take these rules and shitcan them. And construction workers do not wear hard hats. So what I'm building may eventually be a rectangle with the addons, but for now it's a square area with a dome and living quarters, as well as storage and a few other things to but the local minds at ease. The only thing I'm not comfortable with is our proximity to the Campus Martius. Everything else is good. The architect seemed a little bemused and questioning when I spoke about utilizing quartz and more specifically a quartz dome. It can be done, but it's not going to be easy.

That said, even though the temple is under construction, the church is at work. We're doing things, making stuff, and I get a few projects waiting. Primarily, there's a sword that needs made, there's a chariot that needs to get upgraded, and I need to introduce Dionysus to a good Irish Stout. The sword for Kimiko was a bear, because I had to get quality iron from Vulcan - they were able to part with a few ingots worth as a thank you for the statue.

So, leather apron of Cercyon donned, and I had several hours of prep before I even got to work. Job one, refining the iron to a carbon steel form, then pouring the mess into a kiln to be fired, and then the forging and folding. Being a god of fire is handy in these instance because I can hold the heat easily. And the folds. 708 to be exact. One for every song in the discography of ACDC, Aerosmith, Queen, and ZZ Top. Okay I didn't get all the way through ZZ Top, but some of those Queen songs are long, man.

In any case, with the dawn came the mark, and then the final fitting and testing with Kimiko. It worked to her satisfaction - from the way she looked at it, I think she had a bouncing baby badass in her arms as she went to get a proper scabbard for it. I pretty much went home because that style and that much work took it out of me. I mean I'm a god so it's definitely a benefit, but these all nighters are murder. I cleaned up and crashed out, and then got up and fixed my chariot up. A little flint and iron on the axle for a sparker, a new paint job, and a little filigree work, and its' a chariot worthy of the name. During all that was the 3 hours of boiling and kegging necessary to the Stout.

With all that done, it was not time to relax, as while putting finishing touches on my chariot of fire, one of the household found a thief in the house. Said thief bailed the hell out and was looking for the knife that was used on Germanicus. They found it and were taking it back. I fired a warning shot - although let's be real, a fireball isn't exactly a warning but I digress. Then hauled ass up and over with a bow and arrow and then went to give chase. In an alleyway where the theif had stabbed a second of my servants, and I promptly shot an arrow into the thiefs' wrist. the dagger was dropped, but he got away. Damnation. I was able to see his movements for a bit in the pommel of the dagger, but the little sunnovabitch chalked a door, put a symbol on it, and walked through. Fucking Die Inferi. I gotta say my temple's in a decent neighborhood, but my neighbors have a high potential for annoying the fuck out of me.

Guards were hired, orders were given, and then it was time to hit the temple to check on progress and make sure that the early worshippers were taken care of. I've got a few more commissions in play at the temple the next day - someone needs their chariot worked, an equestrian wants me to fix up his armor, the army wants me to take a peek at their ballista, and Aphrodite wants a gold phallus. (okay not literally, but she is a good kisser.) The armor is easy - we're going to redo the leather so that it's a scaled design, and then back each plate in a resin for kinetic absorption and spread so that broken bones become wicked bruises. Finally, we're backing the whole mess in a thin wire weave so that a stab can't go too deep. I may need to borrow a loom for this last one.

For the chariot - Hubcaps. Easy-peasy. I may need to put those on mine. Ballista, is a tricky bit. Most of the improvements are going to be on the materials and minor design tweaks. A gearing system to make the reload process faster, and a few tweaks in the torsion bars, and bobs' your uncle. Last bit, Aphrodite. I'm not exactly sure what she did with the kissing, but I ditched work early on account of "horny as hell". Goda was very pleasantly surprised. Repeatedly. Ahem. But still, after all that mess I had to catch up with Morpheus and let him know what was about, so we went out to lunch where I picked up the tab and he wanted to know more about a sword he'd ganked from Crom. I touched it and was talking to Crom. It was a blade of fertility and sacrifice, and I couldn't tell Morpheus about it. At all. Also, he shouldn't have it. But - in the long run, events'll probably transpire so that one of us'll have it.

Home again, and an invitation to Germanicus' wake was on my door. Oh this is going to be fun as a swift kick in the nuts. We got a couple days, but I need a new outfit more appropriate to the occasion - to wit, mourning.

At the same time, we're going to be amongst some of the heavies of Roman society; and there will never be an occasion too solemn for politics. As I was the first one on scene, I get a place of dubious honor. It's gonna be fun, but on the up side, we'll have Gaius Julius and we're going with a purpose. Two actually. One being see if we can't out the murderer, Two being to find a replacement who can whip some legions up and maybe not quite put things right, but get history back on track-ish.