Difference between revisions of "Talk:Detroit Musings"

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''Let us talk you and I by firelight, about the dear doctor Tremen Hall. We sit in the antique front room, by the hearth, in over-stuffed leather bound wingback chairs. You sit directly across from me, I can see the contours of your face in the flickering orange fire-light. As we talk about what it would be like to be undead, I see the firelight flickering in your eyes as well. Lets be honest shall we? We must lay down all the pretenses and admit for one moment that we envy them. As damaged a piece of goods as the doctor is, you know in your heart you would like for a single night to live in his skin. And why not? While you and I grow a little older, each and every day, time has stopped for him. He has no fear of growing frail or losing his dignity to the illnesses of old age.''  
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Funny you should say just this. I wrote this stuff earlier today and was going back over it in my mind on how I wanted to fill in the description. The danger in writing I a known short time span is that I want to get a lot down in a short amount of time...so I drop stuff out I would otherwise put in. Your criticism is well marked. '''Keith 20:00 MST, 27 March, 2018'''
  
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''As another, more famous doctor has explained, the undead are not like the honey bee, who dies after the first sting, rather they grow stronger as time goes by. Indeed, if they aren't destroyed by natural calamity or the violent depredations of their fellows, they can essentially live forever. Forever, that has quite a ring to it. Imagine what you could accomplish with an unlimited life span. Of course, Tremen is only 18 years undead, a child in the world of the Kindred. Rushing around trying to put strait all the wrongs of his mortal life, and balance the scales with vampiric disciplines and a little old fashioned hard work.'' 
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''The smell of the pine-resin is aromatic, like incense as I pour you another Scotch, the taste is smoky and harsh with numerous hints of peat. Lively strains of Strauss, pour through the darkened house as the antique phonograph spins its way through the Tales of the Vienna Woods. As we talk in hushed tones, it wouldn't do for other people hear us talk of these dark matters, the cold autumn wind vibrates the glass panes in their Victorian wood frames. I point out that Tremen is far stronger than most Kindred his age, he has grown strong on stolen vitae and the memories of those he has diablerized. His is an enthralling tale, born in part due to the excesses of modern warfare and partly in the arcane black blood that runs through his veins.''
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''The descriptions are emotive and colorful. Your intellectual discussion on the state of vampiric decay is lucid and logical, lending an air of authenticity to your latest work. The scene of Tremen showering in the dark is both tactile and emotionally stimulating -- meaning, I have been there. And your added use of horror as counterpoint to romantic nostalgia was ideal. You reached for it and achieved your goal. Great work Keith.'' -- "The Magister 22:20, 29 March 2018 (MDT)"
  
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''So you ask, why did I write this? You are a good writer and have a love of the craft, but you must put yourself in your character's shoes, you need to be him. Remember that his senses are as sharp as a great cat and he is faster, stronger and more resilient than any human. The night holds constant promise of new and terrible things and fear is a fast dying emotion in a new undead with such promise and rage.''
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Many thanks. More is more. Tremen walks in darkness of the soul. He is clearest when I evoke that. I wanted the tortured horror hero, it never helps to down play that. '''Keith 06:47 MAT 30 March 2018'''
  
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''Description, description, description.'' -- "The Magister 18:48, 27 March 2018 (MDT)"
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''Too long since your last entry, the character needs to breath more, let him out and he will grow. Keep up the good work, but write more often, even if the volume is less for the habit is everything.'' -- "The Magister 18:08, 1 May 2018 (MDT)"
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''Good work, keep it up. I am always looking forward to new entries.'' -- "The Magister 21:52, 2 May 2018 (MDT)"
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''Nice. Your recollection of that session is good and I like that you captured the flavor of the city. Solid work.'' -- "The Magister 22:04, 3 May 2018 (MDT)"
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''Your descriptions of the disciplines, specifically dominate is good for the reader and creates a more thrilling encounter.'' -- "The Magister 18:22, 4 May 2018 (MDT)"
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''You are building good habits, but you missed a part. The part about the video tape..." -- "The Magister 22:27, 7 May 2018 (MDT)"
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You are in a hurry...he doesn't see the video tape until on the way out of the building on the first floor...unless my memory is out of whack.  '''Keith 14:26 8 May 2018'''
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''Actually, Tremen crashes through the skylight and busts in on the methlab. Which you very accurately detailed. Thereafter, while he is talking to his new friend, his new packmates move to pacify the next room. So they make their way through a dark hall and into another room where two guards are on duty, but they are actually watching street porn. The latest tape is the weird one and you and your pack bust in on them just after they watched it. While your checking on the next hall with a stair at the end, the neonates -- having nothing else to do, pop the last video back into the VCR and start the tape. That is when you return and see it. As I recall. (Shruggs...its your story after all...write what you want. I was just throwing in my two cents worth. Pax.) -- "The Magister 16:57, 8 May 2018 (MDT)"  
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''You have returned to the story, that is good. Just remember that I am rooting for you when you are writing, even if I don't immediately reply or comment on your progress. Writing can be fits and starts, as long as you start again.'' -- "The Magister 00:25, 28 September 2019 (MDT)"
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''Time for a new chapter'' -- "The Magister 10:17, 31 July 2020 (MDT)"
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Latest revision as of 09:17, 31 July 2020

Detroit Musings

Freaking Awesome blog! I laughed my ass off the entire way. And the best part, is its all true. -- "The Magister 23:34, 19 October 2017 (MDT)"

Funny you should say just this. I wrote this stuff earlier today and was going back over it in my mind on how I wanted to fill in the description. The danger in writing I a known short time span is that I want to get a lot down in a short amount of time...so I drop stuff out I would otherwise put in. Your criticism is well marked. Keith 20:00 MST, 27 March, 2018

The descriptions are emotive and colorful. Your intellectual discussion on the state of vampiric decay is lucid and logical, lending an air of authenticity to your latest work. The scene of Tremen showering in the dark is both tactile and emotionally stimulating -- meaning, I have been there. And your added use of horror as counterpoint to romantic nostalgia was ideal. You reached for it and achieved your goal. Great work Keith. -- "The Magister 22:20, 29 March 2018 (MDT)"

Many thanks. More is more. Tremen walks in darkness of the soul. He is clearest when I evoke that. I wanted the tortured horror hero, it never helps to down play that. Keith 06:47 MAT 30 March 2018

Too long since your last entry, the character needs to breath more, let him out and he will grow. Keep up the good work, but write more often, even if the volume is less for the habit is everything. -- "The Magister 18:08, 1 May 2018 (MDT)"

Good work, keep it up. I am always looking forward to new entries. -- "The Magister 21:52, 2 May 2018 (MDT)"

Nice. Your recollection of that session is good and I like that you captured the flavor of the city. Solid work. -- "The Magister 22:04, 3 May 2018 (MDT)"

Your descriptions of the disciplines, specifically dominate is good for the reader and creates a more thrilling encounter. -- "The Magister 18:22, 4 May 2018 (MDT)"

You are building good habits, but you missed a part. The part about the video tape..." -- "The Magister 22:27, 7 May 2018 (MDT)"

You are in a hurry...he doesn't see the video tape until on the way out of the building on the first floor...unless my memory is out of whack. Keith 14:26 8 May 2018

Actually, Tremen crashes through the skylight and busts in on the methlab. Which you very accurately detailed. Thereafter, while he is talking to his new friend, his new packmates move to pacify the next room. So they make their way through a dark hall and into another room where two guards are on duty, but they are actually watching street porn. The latest tape is the weird one and you and your pack bust in on them just after they watched it. While your checking on the next hall with a stair at the end, the neonates -- having nothing else to do, pop the last video back into the VCR and start the tape. That is when you return and see it. As I recall. (Shruggs...its your story after all...write what you want. I was just throwing in my two cents worth. Pax.) -- "The Magister 16:57, 8 May 2018 (MDT)"

You have returned to the story, that is good. Just remember that I am rooting for you when you are writing, even if I don't immediately reply or comment on your progress. Writing can be fits and starts, as long as you start again. -- "The Magister 00:25, 28 September 2019 (MDT)"

Time for a new chapter -- "The Magister 10:17, 31 July 2020 (MDT)"

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