StupidYour humble narrator gripes.

Okay, seriously. I don’t bitch about work much, but when i do, it tends toward “epic”. I swear, I don’t make this shit up.

So today, the headset doublebeeps. The….gentleman…okay, let’s not mince words. The little propellerhead helmet-wearing retard of an MCSE launches into a whinefest about how he’s just not being given the emotional security that he truly deserves because he’s responsible for giving us a few thousand clients this year alone. And that our ping times are high. Before he could really shift his mouth into 4th gear, I managed to get a little specific information from him. Once I was able to, he kept telling me that the ping times were high, causing calls to drop and clients to lose amounts of money roughly equivilant to my annual salary.

I check. get into the modem. Test to google. 5 milliseconds. Test to yahoo. 11 milliseconds. So I ask the mouthbreather specifically what address we’re trying to get to. I get dodged. And again. So I conclude, and reiterate that there’s nothing wrong with the connection that I can see, without adding that he really needs to look into valium.

No dice. He insists that there is a problem, I just can’t see it. I ask for his server or endpoint. He balks, hesitates, and gives me an address. I check yet again, and there’s nothing wrong. He insists there is. He also insists that we need to tell him about these problems that we’re having before we have them. Yes, you read that right. Before we have a outage, we need to tell him. Just like his previous carrier did, who were apparently the greatest thing since sliced bread. Leaving me to wonder why he left them, if they did so much.

I regretfully informed him that we weren’t miss cleo, and that any deals he had with his previous carrier were between him and his previous carrier. Our lawyers won’t let us do rollover clauses from another company. Go figure.

I also had a few techish moments. Number one. letting thousands of dollars ride on something as falliable as icmp is retardation. Number two, doing this without any apparent redundancy or network backup is weapons-grade stupid. Number three, expecting us to be psychic is just fluff and bullshit twaddle so you can feel validated by your existence. Fuck you, I’m here to fix your shit, not give hugs and tissues because your idiocy got you butthurt. Finally, expecting a level one tech to rewrite your contract is akin to requesting a grant from the Ministry of Silly Walks. You don’t do it, so shut up and go get a juicebox and a snack from mommy, and she’ll hang your certs on the fridge.

Goddamned retards.

Comments are closed.