Postcards From Enoch
Contents
Dear Mom
Written and left in Jasons' apartment in Enoch
Well, for starters, I'd like to apologize for missing the last 35 birthdays. And I'd like to apologize in advance for missing all the birthdays left. Ditto the rest of the family. But the world's changed, and I've changed quite a bit. That said, I've quite a bit of time on my hands for the forseeable future. There's very little I can actually say, but I'm healthy and self-sufficient. I'm not in prison, but I am pretty far out of the States - such as they are. I'm learning, but it does seem like for every plus there's a minus. I have things, but none of them are a John Elway jersey. I have a computer, but it's not a Commodore 64 from the thrift store. Still, I've got a lot of time to reflect. So, I'll keep you updated, and if a miracle happens I'll be able to hand this to you. Overall, I'm not entirely sure you'd be proud of everything I've done, but as I'm sure you're aware you didn't raise a choir boy. I did however, turn out OK. Relax on that.
Quiet consideration
Choices. As I'm not going at a breakneck pace for the forseeable future, I look back and realize that this current outcome was not inevitable, but that the choices I made created this. There is some measure of pride to be seen, but simultaneously a realization that I could have done it better. Preparations need to be made to prevent similar calamity in the future. Boltholes need to be established and maintained. In this, computers will be a blessing. Sadly, there ain't shit for access here. Seriously, not even dialup. Thus, I'll have to commit these plans to memory. Personal goals still remain; advancement of Auspex, perhaps an innovation is needed - Thaumaturgical knowledge needs to be gained in order to secure the group. Also, we need to determine where we're going to land in order to make our next strikes.
Perhaps I may need to redefine what I consider breakneck.
Additionally, there is a great boon I have to think of. I have a great care for my clan - this is perhaps not odd, as I chose this. But this clan is fractured. I need to find a way to bring them back. It may be a long goal, but I wish to walk the halls of Alamut and read from the great libraries. I think I know what I want; Access to the records the hand has regarding the clan. Haqim created us for a purpose, and I would see that purpose fulfilled.
The Limitless Mindscape
One thing I've been doing some is dreaming. It's odd - I don't remember dreaming a great deal when I was breathing, and I rarely dreamed as a vampire. But now that I have the time, I find myself doing a bit more of it. Of course, now I have a greater range of abilities. Still, I must be cautious - nightmares are also dreams after all. It's a great difference between Enoch and the realm - It's a great honor to be here, but all is darkness. The brightest colors of Enoch are dismal - particularly given the colors I could see in the world. Still, there's an advantage to this dream realm I visit. I see things that people see, do things people do. It grounds and reminds me of all that could be lost in a way that memory simply can't. I need to expand my abilities and bring others here. As a gift, or a boon perhaps. I do need to work on my tan, before I can't.
Forward-Looking Statements
Also in the back of my head, plotting the wherefores and who's of our eventual return. Question - am I still light enough to fake out as a Toreador. Something to consider no matter where we go, as an art fop is generally more tolerated than diablericidal maniac. That said, I'll need to ground myself thoroughly before going to wherever we go. Mask thoughts. American bald eagle, done up in a style like Carnival. Big, brash, and bold. I can make that happen. New identity...John McTavish it is. Next item on the list, laying a more portable groundwork.
Plotting things out
Let's presume for the moment that I can fake out as a Toreador for the moment. Next bit, Tina. Pretty sure she can rock it as well. So what do we "do"? I think I could make it as a metal sculptor, and Tina could be a decent fashionista. The problem is going to be the expectation of Elysium attendance. I'm pretty sure I could get us out of that particular hell with a few short remarks, possibly even a "yo mama" comment. Now for rest of the coterie, I'm pretty sure we can song and dance. Brenda as a caitiff? Meanwhile, Hugo...eeeyeah, maybe he could caitiff it there as well. Cass has the Brujah thing locked down, which makes life a little easier. Still, backgrounds need to be built. And really, what is Elysium but a real-life flame war? Gods but that'll be fun for a few nights.
As far as memory goes, I think I understand Old Me's choices a lot better, now that I can recall them. There's something about humanity that is, for lack of a better word, special. Sometimes, choices are made in an outrageous act of rebellion that resonate through centuries. Having grown up as an outsider, being given the opportunity to rebel in the greatest way possible was quite tantalizing. However, the cost of self-exile is steep. I think knowing this gives me a great sympathy and respect for Brenda. I believes her path is not one of choice as it is necessity - I've seen her lab. Humanity erodes at such acts that are in fact necessary for our goal.
Todo list
Crap. Enforced isolation is driving me batshit. Fortunately, as I'm still self-aware enough to realize I am going crazy, we may as well spend some time working on what I can work on here. To wit, Dream-realm activities. Not going to lie, seeing the sun is a thing. Now to work on swords or archery. I think archery. I wasn't too bad when I was breathing, and there's something about archery that calls to the roots. To sharpen the mind, chess. Then developing a cover story. I think we're going to pose as Toreador from LA, wherever we land. I could be an accountant embraced to ensure Dear Fathers' finances, and then Tina can be my sister the fashion model. I've seen the magazines she hides. Andre could be our bodyguard. Not sure what everyone else has in mind, but that's what I'm going with.
I still need to shoot something and code something. My kingdom for 4 bars. Even on a 3G network.
Back to the library - I still need to learn how to read some of the books here. And some of these tablets. Why tablets? Because that's what people wrote stuff down on before the advent of paper. Quite frankly, it would not surprise me if wars were fought over some of the things written here. It would surprise me less if Haqim came back and said "Guys...this is my laundry list."
Supplemental todo list
Okay, archery? That's a little bizarre. I have perfectly good VanHelsing docs in my head. That's time better spent doing useful things. Like reading. Again, I'm having flashbacks to a youth in the library, surrounded by books. The down side of this library is that I'm reading the books in it like a kindergartner. It's oddly pleasing to see a word I recognize. Okay, cuneiform, but still. Also, the symbolism just straightup hurts. I'd write an app for this, but there's nothing to write an app on. Also, reading up on some Toreador history. If I'm gonna fake it, I best be able to really fake this funk for at least 30 years.
Still haven't narrowed down where we're going to land. Though it's a discussion for everyone as a whole, the first prerequisite is that we're near her, but in a non-sabbat city. That's going to be kinda rough. Although if memory serves, nobody ever told me this would be easy.
Other things to work on. Teaching Hugo Celerity, and style. He has some raw talent and in his wheelhouse, he's got the chops to make it. The problem is he's not exactly, adaptable. And that is going to be something he's going to need. That said, he's got the kit to be exceptional. Now if we could just do something about the obsession with stealing shiny things. and we're really going to have to work on his cover. Charm, speaking well to women and men, dressing...the details make the deal.
Tina, she's turned out to be quite a boon. The only real problem I see there to work on is the humanist aspect. We're going to work on that as well - we have time. But what are the lessons necessary to regain humanity? Again, to the library. Maybe we'll have to consult philosophers - really, what is Humanatis but an ideal? An ideal that we strive for, to treat with the masses better than we are treated. Doing things without expectation of recompense. Doing things that raise others up, and thereby raise ourselves up. I have a belief that we can in fact do what is necessary without sacrificing what we are in order to do so. I will have to set the example of what is right action.
It is quite possible I'm becoming a leader. Fuck.
Additional todo list
Once again, allies may become a need. The more I consider it, the more I think we need some 'acknowledged' sect assistance. The Sabbat are right out. The Camarilla, not so much. They've been around too long and they're a little too...comfortable, as a whole. If my memory is good, I think there's a new kid on the block. They might be of use to us. Of course, we're altering history pretty severely if we do, but still. History as I recall it ended rather badly. I'm going to have to develop a cover that allows for some serious jetsetting. I'll run the idea past Masood, see what he thinks of turning the Justice League into a Giovanni-smoking machine. Still, we'll have to keep everyone in range. Otherwise the whole thing has the potential to be an uncoordinated mess.
Time to go big or go home.
Starting a War
In the category of "Go big", I submit the following:
To the members of Clan Rosselini,
Greetings. I wish to convey my admiration for you - the events of Cagliari most certainly have placed your name where ears can hear them. However, I have a deep concern for you, as your masters do not share my admiration. Let us set them aside for the moment while I ask a question of you; who are the greatest masters of necromancy? Some of you may have been slightly dumbfounded, thinking we were leaving the Giovanni aside. We are, for though they may tell you of their history, and even preen over certain aspects of it, the simple truth remains - they are not the best. They are however, very good at using a tool that fits their desires, and they have the luck that the Devil Himself would admire.
History is written by the victors, and in a sense, they have won. But listen to their history, and a pattern emerges. Their victory is gained on the ashes of others, those who have the misfortune to have another family name. Your victories, their laurels. In truth, how far would they really be if you were not there? If any of the others had not fallen under their sway? If Fortune had looked right instead of left, where would you be? Would the roles be reversed, with Augustus taking orders from Rosura, and having his failures recounted every time he wished to see something done?
Again I sense questions - what's my motivation for this? Simple, really. I am a historian of sorts, and in history do I read the future. Combine that with a small amount of secret knowledge, and a historian can see into the future. A future that stretches onward for millennia, with the Rosselini as First Among Lapdogs. Is this truly a fit fate for you? I suppose there are some who are content to carve the kings' throne, to sweep and dust and ensure the palace is neat, but I personally think such drudgery a poor existence. Look upon your brethren, and decide if living in a shadow is your deserved fate when you lit the torch. Consider the fallout from Cagliari, and ask why such things must be. Ask yourselves if it is time to renegotiate the contracts that bring you your nightly vitae, and bring childer into the darkness.
Ask yourselves if it is time for Clan Rosselini to take its' rightful place. The Giovanni have power over you so long as you let them. Certainly my words will be seen as an affront, a sin against The Way Things Are. I suppose if you are content, you have every right to remain so. Carve the throne. But for many of you, I sense reality seeping in, ever so slightly. I encourage you to marshal yourselves, for the war has already begun - in the demands, in the restrictions, in a thousand ways made subtly manifest is your place as the eternal servant being reiterated. Let history be the judge of your actions.
This may need re-write. Bounce it off a few other people. I'm not ignoring the irony that I'm starting a war among vampires as I'm trying to end one among the humans. There may be sleepless days ahead as I worry about just what the hell I'm unleashing.
Going slightly mad
All of this plotting and planning is perhaps a distraction. I'll be hones, I don't just miss computers and guns. I need them. Seriously, I was fiddling with an abacus and found myself coding a hello world. In binary. If I were to drain all the emotion, I would say I'm a few fries short of a happy meal. But, since I am a creature of emotional states and desires, I have to reply to myself that I am in fact doing something of importance, and that what I do is a thing that is in fact necessary.
This must be what going mad feels like.
Back to the point of the matter, Enoch is in and of itself a wondrous structure. The most ancient of our kind walked these streets, begat their childer, lived among people, bartered with them, and sowed the very seeds of eternal wars. Even with people who don't have a jot of Auspex, this place resonates, but the only emotion I truly feel from it is that of age. I saw the Titanic exhibit once when it went through Denver - it was amazingly powerful, and walking through and touching its' hull, I could barely conceive of the forces that went into its' craft, and its' eventual demise. I will declare to this night the hull was still cold from the sea.
And I find I've digressed again. How do the Malkavians cope.
I'm working very hard to not alienate, because the things I miss are my own. I can't let this stop me from making my way back to the land of the living, and thereupon make some serious headway with what must be done. Can we do it without destroying our souls? Weighing everything in the balance, I find a trade acceptable. I can regain what is lost. The Giovanni will not have such good fortune.
